with your own penis?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
