How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
