Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
