I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
