RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
