Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize