I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
