she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize