walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
