my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
