She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
