Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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