In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
