Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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