11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
