I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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