I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
