like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
