I think my vagina is haunted
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
