i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
40s are totally the cure
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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