I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
