We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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