I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm always down for nudity.
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