Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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