yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
