Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
