we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
