gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
