Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
