thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
