We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
