Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Randomize
