she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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