If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
