his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
