could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
did you just send me my own nude
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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