They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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