Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My penis needs a shock collar
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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