I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
