Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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