He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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