Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
