I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
