The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
