Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
