I CAN MOONWALK!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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