so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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