I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
