She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
