All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
