What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
