I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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