watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
