Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
