ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
