Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
