you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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