Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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