Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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