Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize