I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
