Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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