shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just want nice things and good sex
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
