I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
