This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
