You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
