A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize